Occasionally the moon comes out during the day. Today was no different. It must be tired of waiting seeing as we just passed the Summer solstice, it takes forever for nightfall.
Anyhow I’ve managed to sleep in twice in a row and just barely scraped getting in before the late bell. I guess I’ve grown far too comfortable to my alarms so I’ve decided to download this alarm clock app that plays random music at the loudest volume and if you’re a really bad deep sleeper there’s an option to have yourself solve a maths problem before your alarm stops itself. Ha fuck that.
What I do love about the sixth form I attend is that there’s so many birthday celebrations. Like We all know that when there’s a birthday celebration, there’s food.
Now we all know that your friendly friend Christian over here enjoys him some good ol’ free cake and so it’s pure banter when there are three birthday’s on the same school day. Free food galore. Too bad the warm weather began to melt the chocolate biscuits and the drinks warmed up.
I’m not too sure how to get into today’s nitty-gritty. I’ve always had this sort of selfish attitude towards friends and gatherings particularly when I’m not there. It’s child-play no doubt but it still bothers me now. Seems like I’m a bit of a child when it comes to close friends hanging out without me. Not that it’s a bad thing, why would it? Not like I’m the only person in the world and nobody’s life should be like that. But I do get this covet feeling. This feeling as if I’d missed out on something great, something I wanted. Again it sounds like a child wanting someone he chose to not have and in all honesty it’s exactly like that. It’s worse when I’m unaware of friend’s meeting up too. god I’m such a little bitch. I can’t help it though, I’m not the type to want to be in the centre of attention because I dislike attention like that, I try to be someone known throughout the group of friends and someone with value, someone you want to invite to gatherings and such. That’s why it stabs so much, because it feels like I have little to offer.
I guess that’s all I wanted to say. Again it is just me acting like a child, it shouldn’t mean anything to those around me and I felt like it had to get that off my chest eventually. In the course of time I’ll get over myself.
And oh I tried the whole sleep paralysis thing yesterday again. Didn’t exactly accomplish it but you know your body is associating itself with sleep when your chest becomes heavier and your body grows numb. Too bad I had to nudge myself with that itch. I thought fuck that I’m not trying for another 20 minutes. And then I went to bed, lol.
… But after just having read the Wikipedia article on it I’m quite scared to try again now…