Saturday, February 9, 2013
“Good times for a change. See, the luck I’ve had could make a good man turn bad. So please, please, please, let me, let me, let me… Let me get what I want this time. Haven’t had a dream in a long time. See, the life I’ve had could make a good man bad. So for once in my life let me get what I want. Lord knows, it would be the first time… Lord knows, it would be the first time.”
The first time I woke up today was at 6:45, and the snoozes lasted until 7:45, at which I got up out of bed and onto the computer. And I usually check my school email to see if new offers were coming in. And one did, and it was from the London School of Economics (LSE), and because it was the morning time I could do little but silently scream inside. Emmanuel had just come home from a party and was still partly awake, and when I told him he was silently screaming, too. I’m hope when Martin checks his phone he’ll silently scream a little in St. Lucia, too. I’m really glad I got the offer too, because it’s one of the best universities in the UK. Top five, actually. Which is really good. And so I’ve received my offers from SOAS, Kings (KCL) and LSE, and I’m still waiting on UCL and Bristol. To be honest, I only really want to go to LSE or UCL out of the five, but to have received the other offers really does boost your motivation. Today came off to a good start, and I guess it just got better and better.
On the way to Valentine’s Park, I stumbled across a couple of people jogging in my area, and at one point there were quite a few pigeons flying overhead. I get a little paranoid when that happens; it’s as if they have this dying urge to shit on you. This one time in Leytonstone I came across an old friend of mine I spent a week with at this summer school for Law that I went to in 2011 at LSE. And while I was talking to him, a bird suddenly dropped one on him. That’s what got me so paranoid. That and nobody wants shit on their head. And anyway, the bus driver of the first bus greeted all that got on the bus with a, “Good morning” and thanked us as we tapped our Oyster cards. Rarely do you have kind bus drivers. Remember when my Oyster card hadn’t arrived yet and that kind driver let me on? I occasionally have him as my driver, and if we catch eye contact we nod every now and then. But I rarely see him, and he doesn’t exactly affect my life much anyway. But those small things that help you through the days all add up eventually. They always add up eventually.
And whilst waiting for the second bus, this one man stood way too close to me and stared into my eyes. I’m dead serious. For a good five seconds we stared at each other, and it was hard to break eye contact, it really was. I don’t know what his problem was. And next to us was this man going through a bin’s cigarette disposal thing, lifting it so all the thrown away buds land in his hands. He didn’t look right in his mind at all. That and it must take desperation to the next stage to have to do something like that. And he smelled. Anyway, turns out the twins moved the jogging time to half nine, or ten. And I’d forgotten, and so I was there about 45 minutes early. And instead of sitting around doing nothing, I started the jog myself, and before they arrived I had myself take two laps around the park. Past the small lake, around all the way to the end of the park, back round, a turn to the right down to the other pond in the park and all the way back to the start. That took approximately 15 minutes each time. I first did a 15, then a 20. And then I cycled on the outside gym equipment for 15 minutes before Anglina and Lavina arrived. And then Sadian soon came, and we headed off on the same journey. It’s a shame Krishan didn’t come, if I’m to hang out with the library lot it might as well be the library lot in full. And we did the same journey two more times, so I effectively did it four while they did two. And Lavina was struggling a lot, but it was okay. Depending on who was with her we’d walk with her a little before pushing her to jog some more. If they keep at it they’ll be sure to achieve what they want from this. I calculated the journey, and having gone around it four times, it came to a total of around eight miles. That’s around thirteen kilometres. That’s pretty damn good if you ask me. What a way to end the year, with a pretty good morning jog. But that’s not the end of my day yet, no, not at all.
When I got back home drenched from the rain, my mum was in the kitchen preparing some food and she questioned why I was so drench. And I told her I went for a morning jog, hugged her, and then placed my cold hands on her. And she was shrieking a little, and we laughed. And I hugged her which I don’t do often. I don’t know. If you ask me, mothers should get as much love as is possible. And I could smell the food cooking, and so I prepared some rice and helped cut with onions. And while that was going on she was on the phone to a friend of hers who wanted to talk to me. And he was trying to talk to me about getting a girlfriend, and I swear, my mother laughed so hard it was unbelievable. I mean, you don’t expect a mother to break out into a full-blown laugh. And then she told her friend to not act silly and that I’m still young, and that I have many “lady friends”. Why she added that, I don’t know. But she then went on to say that I make friends easily, and that made me smile a little. She told her friend how I’ve always got lady friends and guy friends over a lot, and how they’re of all different races. And she then said she was happy that I’ve got a lot of friends, and I said I was happy too. She said they make your journey in life easier and better, and I said they did too. And then I told her that she’d slimmed a little, and that once I head to university, and Martin from next year starts working full-time as a doctor, and Emmanuel comes out of university with his degree in economics, she should take time out to gym, eat better and take care of her body more. Saunas, spas, walks, jogs. And she said she’ll want me to take her jogging one day. One day, aha. Not any time soon, but one day. And I hugged her again and left the kitchen. That’s all I ask for from my mother to be honest, just a small conversation here and there. I like the relationship us siblings have with our mother. We’re not too unbelievably close that I detail to her about girlfriends, or girl friends, but we’re not too distant that we can’t even talk to each other. I like how we are as a family, and I’m grateful for what we are as the five of us… The Edobor Five.
I’m sorry, that was so bad. And when the food was prepared and my dish filled, I ate. And it was so fulfilling following that jog. And I thank whatever it is- be it mere chance, or by some divine entity, that my life is how it is now. That I’m able to sit down and eat comfortably. That I’m able to walk home from a morning of jogging, enter into a warm house and hug my mum. That I’ve got three other siblings whom I get along with so well. And that they’re also doing so well. I’m really, really thankful.
And after lounging around for too long a moment, I then headed out to Chloe’s house. You may or may not remember, but the last time the group of us went to Chloe’s house was back in summer, and her house has four floors. Remember? Perhaps not, but still. I had a really good time then, and I assumed I’d enjoy myself just as much as I did then. And remember that cat that I saw months ago sitting outside my door who I just saw again recently? Well I saw it again today, and I know it’s the same cat because it recognises me now. I reach out for it, it purs at me and walks toward me. It isn’t a stray cat though. I know it’s someone’s cat, I just can’t put a finger on whose cat is it.
And the journey to Chloe’s meant travelling the same journey I’d take to the library in Hackney, or the same journey to whenever we all hung out in London Fields. I enjoyed that library a lot, I really did. Remember those two older girls I met at that library? Abbie was her name. Abbie and her friend. Damn, I really wish that I got her number. I really should have. And also the fact that I met Kevin, Yusuf and Abdullah there. Time sure does pass fast. And the journey also takes me past the home of that woman in her seventies that I met on the bench in summer as we waited for the same bus to come. Scorching hot; our backs blazed, and so did our conversation. And hey, this is the bus journey where Abdullah and I began discussing that story for a film and novel. “Senses”, the name was. I still have that in my head now and then. Eventually I’ll get to work on that also.
And it’s 23:53, and Tu is here laying in the living room, and I’m tired, as usual. I’m tired because today has been a long day. Perhaps not as long as other days, but a long day nonetheless. And I haven’t had much sleep as of lately, so I guess that has made me more tired, too. We just came back from a Chinese buffet with Susan, Tony and May (Lister May) to celebrate Susan’s 18th before her actual day. And it was good, and it was funny, and we ate until our stomachs were near tearing open. And May’s jokes and gossip were so damn funny, Tu and I were so close to vomiting out all our food because of all the laughter. The laugh where your stomach hurts so much because of it. And so we’d stand up and walk away from the scene because it was that unbearable. It’s a nice end to a night, if you ask me. Spend the day with the friends you made throughout the year, finish the night with the old friends you’ve held on to for so long.
Chloe’s house was great, and I appreciated my time there a lot. It’s a shame that I had to leave early, along with Tony and Tu. But for the time we were there, it was really amusing. You had our usual lot, along with Phillipa and Roxy’s friends Grace, Tace and Toby. And I guess we don’t normally have the chance to act as reckless and childish as we do when not at gatherings, because we’re always acting reckless and childish at gatherings. But it’s blissful. Picture grown people jumping on each other, sleeping on each other. Putting a demo on the piano and pretending to play a classical piece. People on the floor playing Soul Calibur, Phillipa preparing an Oreo milkshake for everyone, and me drinking mine from a bowl. I even took a photo of it. Everyone else had cups except me, and I made a ruckus out of it, and we all laughed. And we had a toast with our milkshakes. And it’d been ages since I last saw Roxy, too. And Grace, Tace and Toby were cool. Toby was fucking 6”6, like, damn. I’d be a fool not to appreciate the friends I’ve made.
And so I guess that’s that. My year is over. It’s been a long, long year, I’ll give it that. I’ve grown fond of this, I really have. But I will have to stop here. But it’s never really the end of anything, to be honest. For example, tomorrow is Chinese New Year, and so while my year has just ended, a new year has begun. And I guess I’m grateful for the random date I started this on then, because at least my ending has some significance. Who knows, maybe in some years time I might just start another. “365 days, Chapter ii”. And who knows, maybe this time it won’t start on a leap year. But I’ve really liked this year. This was by far my most eventful year yet. There were of course things I weren’t able to talk about, and I’m okay with that. I’ve tried avoiding making this superficial too, because that’s all I am at times. Superficial. I don’t know what I’ve learnt over the year. If anything I’ve learned to appreciate more, if that makes sense? Not that I didn’t before, but over this year I came across awe-inspiring experiences, people and joy. And I don’t know if it’d be possible to recreate that if I repeated this in a similar manner. I don’t think I would be able to. Maybe as an older person I would be able to do much more, but then I wouldn’t know until then. And it wouldn’t bother me much by then. I just hope I do something with my life by then… I don’t think I’ve lost much over the year. If anything I’ve only gained so much. And I definitely know my worst days. Those low days, and definitely the days where I smelt like fish. I’ll dread those fish days for the rest of my life. I don’t quite have a best day though. I wouldn’t be able to put a finger on it. But I’m okay with that. I’m completely fine with that. If I were to have to put a finger on someone I met at the start of this year that means something great to me now, I wouldn’t be able to. I- I just wouldn’t be able to, if you wanted to know the truth. “It’s funny. Don’t ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody.”
And hey, life is looking out to be good this year anyway. I’ve secured amazing places at universities, I’ll be volunteering at a new school built in Stratford called School 21, courtesy of Sabiha and her sister running a project there called Project Unity, designed to make a difference and an impact on the childrens’ lives there. That’s about all I know so far, but it’ll be every Wednesday, so my Wednesday has gotten even more busy now. And I’m well excited for it. I did work experience at Maryland Primary School, my old primary school, around two years back and it was really good. So I hope volunteering at the school will be just as good. And I’m going camping in a few weeks, Berlin in less than a week, and Martin will be back from St. Lucia in a couple days. And I’ve finally finished downloading those songs for Emmanuel too. I sure procrastinated that a lot. And I’m getting there with my school work. I’m gradually putting in more and more time. After all, I do need to get A*AA minimum. It’ll be troublesome, but life isn’t easy. Life has never been easy, not for me. And even if things don’t work out the way I want them to, life does go on. The days do go on, and they will get better. Things will always get better. And so I’ll have faith in that life will work out for me eventually. And I’m just about to watch the movie for The Perks of Being a Wallflower (and I can be sure that Asleep will play in the movie ), and after that, the Cowboy Bebop movie. I hope I don’t sit in the dark with a tear trickling down my face like I did when I finished the original series. And I don’t like it all that much when a film relates to me. But I hate it even more so when it seems to relate to all my friends. And I know it’ll do exactly the latter. And I’ll want to avoid making an after comment for this entry, because I will both love the film as much as I did the book, yet detest it. And I will sit there in silence afterwards, both angered and appreciative. And I know that it’s taken me years to watch the Cowboy Bebop movie, but I think that these two movies will perfectly end my year.
And Tu is just about leaving now. And Daniel, for the first time, is going to bed before four in the morning. And it’ll rain tomorrow, and you can be sure that I’ll be sitting in the dimness of the room, attempting to make nothing out of my Sunday.
“Sing me to sleep. Sing me to sleep. I’m tired and I want to go to bed. Sing me to sleep, sing me to sleep. And then leave me alone. Don’t try to wake me in the morning, ‘cause I will be gone. Don’t feel bad for me - I want you to know - deep in the cell of my heart, I will feel so glad to go. Sing me to sleep… Sing me to sleep. I don’t want to wake up on my own anymore.”
And for those perhaps reading this for the very first time: hello. I’m FallenLegacy, and this is my 365 days. A seventeen-year-old Londoner; I don’t know how to use a semicolon properly and my grammar is terrible. You might find my life a little weird, but I hope you enjoy the journey as much as I have.
"Forgive. Forget. That’s a lesson that we haven’t learned yet.
We try. We cry. But a day doesn’t die until the sun is set.”
Thank you for reading.
Until next time…
“Are you living in the real world?”
All images, unless mine, are copyright to their respective owners.